The Word No, Said Kindly
A Brisbane independent reflects on a week of testing boundaries, and on learning, after years of people-pleasing, that a warm refusal can protect both her business and her peace.
I used to be very bad at saying no. Not just at work. Everywhere. I said yes to extra shifts at my old retail job, yes to lending my car, yes to hosting Christmas three years running. When I started working independently, I carried that habit with me, and for a while it cost me a lot.
This week I kept count of every time I said no. I'm writing them down because I want to remember that nothing bad happened.
Monday
A man emailed asking for a discount because he "might become a regular." I wrote back: "Thank you for your interest. My rates are as listed and I don't offer discounts, but I'd be happy to see you at the listed rate if that suits." He booked. He paid. He was charming.
Tuesday
A request to skip screening "just this once" because he was "very discreet." I said no. Screening is how I keep myself safe, and I apply it to everyone equally. He didn't reply. That's fine. That's the system working.
Wednesday
A regular asked, in the middle of a lovely booking, whether we could try something I don't offer. The old me would have frozen, then said yes to avoid spoiling the mood. Instead I smiled, touched his arm and said, "That's not something I do, but I'll tell you what I'd love instead." He relaxed immediately. The mood didn't break. It got better. He told me afterwards that he appreciated knowing exactly where he stood.
Thursday
A friend asked me to cover her booking at short notice. I was exhausted, so I said, "I can't tonight, but I'll help you find someone." We found someone. She wasn't upset.
Friday
I said no to myself. I'd planned to take a late booking, and my body said absolutely not. I switched off the phone, ran a bath and ate toast in it, which I recommend.
What I've noticed
People respect a clear, kind boundary far more than I ever expected. The ones who don't respect it show you exactly who they are, quickly and cheaply. And every no I say leaves more room for a yes that I actually mean.
A wise older worker once told me, "Your no is what gives your yes its value." I didn't understand her at the time. I'm starting to.
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