Photo Day: Seeing Myself Through Someone Else's Lens

I've put this off for eighteen months. My profile photos were taken on my phone in my bedroom with a ring light, and while they're honest, they're also a bit tired. My hair's different now. I'm different now. It was time.

Before

I found a photographer who works with a lot of people in the industry. She's discreet, professional and very clear about image ownership, face blurring and file storage, which mattered enormously to me. We had a long phone call beforehand where she asked what I wanted my photos to say about me. I didn't know. She said, "That's normal. We'll find out on the day."

The night before, I tried on eleven outfits and hated all of them. I texted a friend a blurry photo of my wardrobe with the caption "help." She replied with a list of three items and the words "trust me."

The shoot

The studio was a converted warehouse in the valley with enormous windows and a huge fiddle-leaf fig in the corner. It was a warm spring morning and the light came in soft and golden. She made me a coffee, put on music I liked, and spent the first twenty minutes just chatting with the camera in her lap.

I was stiff at first. Every pose felt fake. She stopped and said, "Forget the camera. Tell me about the best booking you've ever had, without any details." I started talking about a client who made me laugh so much I snorted, and she started shooting. I didn't even notice.

The part that got me

At the break she showed me a few frames on her screen. I braced myself. And then I saw a woman who looked relaxed, warm, a little mischievous, and very much like herself. Not a fantasy. Not a character. Me, on a good day.

I had to go and stand by the window for a minute.

After

We did three looks in total. Elegant, casual, and one with a big knitted jumper and bare feet on the couch, which I think will be my favourite. The final images arrived a week later, with the face-blurred versions for advertising and the unblurred ones just for me.

I updated my profile tonight. It feels like a fresh start. More than that, it feels like an introduction I'm proud of.

I've been in this work for three years, and I spend so much energy seeing other people clearly. It was strange and lovely to be seen that clearly in return.